My Journey thus far

My Journey thus far

A few months ago I set out on a journey. I had talked to God and asked Him to enlighten me. He did just that. His light was bright on the area of my life that held the key to what I had been searching for. He showed me the key to my future.

My Key was simply stated and yet not simply achieved. What is the Key It was to LOVE MYSELF!!! Since this epiphany my life has gotten better. Life HAD been getting better for me but there was no real lasting joy and happiness from the goals I had been achieving or the life I had been living.  I was still a shell.

My journey to love myself has been a beautiful thing. God stripped away everything I had known and showed me the truth. The honest raw truth about myself. That was the first step to loving myself, acknowledging all of my flaws. I then had to accept them and then do the work to be the best version of me.

I have always been a person of truth and love. I am human so I veer off the path at times but the resounding aura of my life has always been those two things, truth and love. I have forgiven the most hateful and hurtful people in my life. One of my biggest setbacks I found was that I had not forgiven myself.  I carried so much shame, guilt and hate. I kept forgiving people but I kept transferring all the wrongdoings into and onto myself.  That is not forgiveness. Forgiveness in its truest form is accepting and understanding what happened and why it happened and then LETTING IT GO! You take the lesson with you not the negative burden.

Really that is what loving yourself is all about it is setting your soul free of anything that is negatively influencing you. If you want self-love to really last you have to dig deep and face the dark areas of your life. NOT EASY. I promise you there have been moments I wanted to run and keep running AWAY. But to stand in it to face it makes you grow.

A natural reaction to self-love is Confidence. Confidence is easily mistaken for arrogance. Especially by those that greatly lack it. Something beautiful and true can be hated by those who are filled with hurt and hate.  I found I had to let go of those people until I was mentally ready to be around them again. Never be ashamed of the positive growth in your life. Live it, speak it, own it. You put in that hard work to be where you are. You earned the right to proud of yourself!

I am a great work in progress. Over the past few months I have become happy with who I am. I am learning to not care about what people think yet respectful of their way of life.  I understand myself better. I trust myself more.  I let go quicker. I am leading with love and my passion for life. My steps are ordained. And when you put goodness into the world you get good back.

A new friend and business associate of mine repeatedly tells me to “Be transparent with those who follow and authentic to those who lead” I love that quote. It speaks to me! As I continue on I will continue to do so.

Be well my friends. Lead with love and it will take over your life!

Fake

FAKE

 So my truth today is that I feel like I have been being fake for a while now. I am not sure when it started. I feel the need to always put on this show that I am perfection. The fact of the matter is I am NOT!!I

I remember I was talking crap about myself one day and someone said “When you rise above human let me know” That pressure to be society’s chosen image for you is stressful. But really who has control over that portrayed image. You do and only you. When you start to be in the lime light, if that is where your life leads you, YOU can choose to be fake, sell out or stay true. Few do the latter. But there are few of the GREATS.

You have to KNOW yourself before you can stay true to yourself. I know good and well that I don’t like being a stay at home mom that has a herd of kids and cooks dinner every night. I know I don’t like to attend church every Sunday. I know I don’t like to play board games and watch TV. I don’t like forced conversation etc. etc. These things aren’t bad by any means… well forced conversation is always bad, but what I am saying to each her/his own.

I know I am a good mom. I know I can cook I know I am capable of making a house a home. I know I have a personal relationship with God. But I am not cookie cutter. When I have my home in a gated community I will be “THAT” neighbor.  I don’t do these things for attention. I’m just different. I truly was born this was. I am the LOVE child of a Korean woman and an African American Solider. I have brothers and sisters form 4 different countries. I am 31 years old and I look 21 (lemme have this lie please 😉 I have black eyes. I love to dance. I randomly say or text the weirdest stuff to people. I could drop everything I’m doing and in an hour be on the road or in a plane to wherever with no plans. I can love as if I have never ever been hurt before. These things are me, I need to stop hiding who I am. Because when you are authentic and real who can’t appreciate that?

Why do we put on a show? For who? To please the world, to please people who come and go. When the dust settles and you are alone can you stand the quiet? Can you stand the truth? When you look in the mirror can you smile or do you look away? I was looking away for a while. All of the praising and compliments where going in one ear and out the other. Everything had been so fleeting. I want to appreciate things more and I want things to stick around. So as I continue on this journey I’m going to remain real.

To thine own self be TRUE!!!